Two Faces?

Today I find myself in a sad place. I was unable to even begin to think about creating a blog yesterday. I had to come to the realization that people who we think we know or feel we know aren't always who they appear to be. With almost 30 years and too much "life experience" I like to think I've become a decent judge of character, sadly within the past couple of days I've been proven wrong. A person that I considered a friend and have known since I was 5 years old committed a crime so vile and heinous I don't know that I can repeat it. It would seem to me that only a monster could do what he did, not this quirky boy I knew.

David was born with a deformity of his face that plagued him and caused ruthless and incessant teasing all while growing up. In spite of that he was seemingly happy and loved Star Wars, computers and playing the drums. He was also playing air drums with his pencils, pens or drumsticks as he began to carry  them with him all the time in high-school. He reminded me of someone who would fit in well with the characters from the show Big Bang Theory, for lack of a better comparison. We weren't so close that when we all graduated that we stayed in contact but I would never hesitate to say hello when I saw him.

While going through my divorce I had to move back into my parents house and began visiting the local grocery store down the street from their house and over time learned that he was a manager there. He actually reminded me that I didn't need to feel embarrassed or like my pride was taking a hit when I needed to use WIC to help me provide for my son and I. David was as a whole a nice guy and good friend.

Fast forward to Thursday night and the news reports a woman carjacked, stabbed, and her ten year old was attacked. Friday morning comes around and sadly the woman died at the hospital and it was discovered her daughter was raped. When the name and age of the person who committed this monstrous crime was announced, I thought no way is the same person I know. It MUST be a coincidence. The boys I've known my whole life and reminded me what a good mom/person I am could not have done this . . . I was wrong.

It would appear no matter how well you think you know some one, what they do, how they think, how they feel, how they view the world is so different from that who they portray to the outside world. I spent an entire day in denial. It was almost as if my brain wouldn't let me accept that my friend and this monster were the same person.  This morning I read the same article twice along with an updated one, the picture of the boy described in the news paper article was the description of my friend. My brain finally allowed me to process that this monster and the person who once was my friend were in fact the same person. I cried. I cried like a baby. I cried for that boy who used to be my friend, I cried for the little girl who is now orphaned and no longer innocent.

What kind of psychotic break causes a person to behave in such a manner? How can one person spend so much time pretending to be one persona to the outside world and then secretly be someone so completely different. What must it be like to live two separate lives, to have two faces?

I can't help but begin to reevaluate all of my friendships with people. Those who I don't consider so close they've become my family, but people whom I think of as friends, who say hi in passing. Is that person really who I've always thought they were and thought I knew? It also makes me wonder how much of what they tell me and allow me to know is for a reason, are they hiding something?? I do know that in a 48 hour period I learned things are not always what they seem, neither are people regardless of how well you think you know them.

I suppose this is just another life lesson learned on my way to becoming thirty. With only four months before my birthday, I'm hoping that this is the last of my major life lessons to learn.

On a much much lighter note, tomorrow is Saint Patrick's Day and as an Irish girl I'm planning a big day for my family, filled with Guinness Beef Stew, Irish Soda Bread, and Guinness brownies!!!